What have I been up to?

What have I been up to? “Really I haven’t been up to much,” I am afraid to say. Until this week, I was off work and I did nothing but watched too much YouTube. Normally I would feel guilty for this; however, it was much needed down time as work had been very busy and we were doubly short handed with one position being vacant and another person being away on vacation.

Awake and writing

It’s a new year and a new start. I need to grasp this chance while I can. We are still extremely busy at work, so until we catch up, I find myself not wanting to do much when I get home.

In the next few weeks, I hope to get back into writing more seriously than I have been. Some of the stuff I will publish here while other stuff I will try to get published. I am planning to retire in three years come April and I hope to make writing a new career sort of speak.

That’s it for me now. I hope you all have a blessed and good year. If you’re struggling currently, there is no shame in asking for help even if it is only to vent to a sympathetic ear.

Lots of love.
—Robert Confiant 9 January 2019

 

 

Getting philosophical

Thinking

For every query there is an answer, although that answer maybe a long time coming. Some answers are easily Googled; while some require life experience, whether from learning through experience, or by asking someone else. Some questions maybe answered through learning; while still other questions maybe answered in another life (near or at the time of death). Full acknowledgement here, I grew up Catholic and then went Christian, and I currently state that I am “Spiritual,” in that I don’t practice any religion, but I believe in God. Hence is why I state, “Near or at death.”

I have always believed one should strive to better oneself, either from learning, reading, or asking questions. I think this is our main purpose in life. I have never stopped question – Why are we here? What is our purpose? What is the meaning of life? In my journey of self improvement, I have employed many resources. There is schooling, reading, the “School of hard knocks,” which seems to be my go-to method, to be quite frankly about it, and seeking answers from others either though discussion, or debate. The internet can be a great resource, but one must weed out the B’s by referencing, and questioning and weeding out the illegitimate answers.

I read a lot. The news, philosophical articles, fiction (a lot of Sci-Fi and Fantasy). One may be surprised just how philosophical Sci-Fi books can be. I actually took a course at university which discussed the philosophical issues mentioned in Sci-Fi novels called, “The philosophy of Science Fiction.” We discussed such issues as: Sentience, cognizance, the meaning of life and death, morality, time travel, etc. I t was an enjoyable and interesting course, although I read a lot, and wrote numerous long papers on these subjects.

But in self improvement, one cannot limit oneself to just learning. One should consider how one interacts with other people. We are a social being after all – No one is an island. So, interacting with others is an important aspect of life. I strive for the motto, “Treat others as you would like to be treated.” This notion is not easily lived by, but I do my best to keep this tenant. For someone of little patience, this is not an easy task, but I keep trying to improve. Trust me, sometimes this is difficult to do as I am not always patient with others. Still, I have to keep at it. I am good at keeping at things.

I will be on the journey of self improvement until my dying breathe. It is how I have lived my life. I do not see this changing at this stage of life.
—Robert Confiant 17 December 2018

I don’t like asking for help

RobertConfiant

Three days ago, I wrote about work load and stressing out. It occurred to me afterwards that the reason I take on such unrealistic amount of work, or why I hate to quit something I am doing is that I don’t like to ask for help, or I don’t want to admit I can’t do something.

One might think this is due to pride and/or stubbornness and these reasons are probably somewhat valid. I take pride in what I do. I work hard, so why not? I am also very stubborn. I like my independence. There is nothing wrong with it.

The real reason I am stubborn is due to my Cerebral Palsy (CP). As a person with CP, I must be stubborn. Stubbornness is the one trait which keeps me going, or keep me at something. I don’t think I would be as independent, or have accomplished as much if I wasn’t as stubborn as I am. I message with other persons with CP on-line and most of them share this stubborn trait. It is what keeps us trying new things, or staying with doing difficult tasks. For most of us whose CP affects our legs, even something simple as putting on socks and shoes can be challenging. There are studies out there that prove people with CP use more energy to do every day task than people without physical disabilities. Most of us take this in stride, this is our “normal.”  We don’t know any differently.

Stubbornness can be a good asset.
—Robert Confiant 15 December 2018

 

I snapped

SnappingLast Wednesday, I snapped. I was stressed out and over worked. I snapped at a co-worker for dropping yet another item on my desk (I later apologized, but she told me she didn’t notice anything strange – I sure did).

My supervisor came to me later that day and told me not to worry about things and that we will manage. The work load hasn’t slowed and we’ve been short-handed since May. At our busiest time, next week, I will be on my own as my other co-worker (who should not have to do as much clerical work as he is doing as he has his own duties to do) leaves on vacation – a perfect storm if you ask me, but he is entitled to vacation time. I am not too sure how, or if, I will manage.

I shouldn’t worry, so I guess. It wouldn’t stress me out as much if I just did what I could do and not care if I cannot keep up. This is not me, I cannot stop worrying about what needs to be done. For my sanity sake, I will have to try. Thankfully, the ladies at the FOH continue to offer their help for which I am truly grateful. This will help ease the load.

I am hanging in there.
—Robert Confiant 12 December 2018

Taking stock

Once every so often one needs to quiet oneself. Tuck yourself in a solitude spot and reflect on where and who one is in one’s life.

This is something I sometimes do. Every few years, I take stock of my life. I am someone who always strive to improve my life. I also someone who plans for the future. I have dreams and goals I still want to achieve. Yes, even at my age, I have dreams. I know life can throw curve ball, so I usually have different plans, or pathways if you like, to reach my desired goal: Plan A, plan B, et cetera.

solitude

For the most part, I like who I am as a person. I am a nice guy. I try to treat others well and I would never intentionally hurt someone. I am not perfect, but I try to be a good man. I do strive to improve myself. I read a lot. I try to learn from my mistakes and I try to adhere to the motto “Be nice to others.”

I also wish to be a professional writer. To this end, I have been writing for a dozen years, or so. I have taken a grammar refresher course and other creative writing courses. I maintain this blog where I attempt to write often and I attempt to keep the topics as interesting as I am able; however, I write what I write. To be honest here, I write for me and I hope it reflects with my readers most of the time. I figured that if I worried about the subjects my readers would like, well, I would never write. There is no disrespect meant here dear reader, but it is the truth of the matter. This thing called, “Writing,” while enjoyable is a tricky craft. I don’t wish to get writer’s block, or to form some kind of phobia.

I hope I inspire you the reader. I tend to write about life. Although we all have different lives, we are all human beings travelling on our journey. We share some of the same dreams and desires, we share some of the same fears and hopes. None of us is perfect, but we can always strive to improve. I hope I have inspired you to strive to be the best one can be.
—Robert Confiant 19 November 2018

Little changes and lifetime habits

I was out with my partner last night to catch the play Beautiful: The Carole King Musical at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre. We walked, mainly uphill, from the SkyTrain station to the theatre (Something that nearly did me in – energy wise). This morning, I decided to do something about it.

Beautiful The Carole King Musical - June 2015 Playbill with Rainbow Pride Logo

For me, diets and dieting do not work. They never have. I lose weight for awhile and then slowly gain most, if not all, the weight back. I figured there has to be another way. I have decided to try a new way. It will be slower, but I think it could be more lasting. I haven’t gain weight, but I haven’t lost any either and this is imperative at this point in my life.

health-and-fitness

I am going to make a lifestyle change. I will start off small with little changes. Dependent on what study one reads, a habit can take anywhere from 66 days to 2541 days to become established. How much better would it be if one just made it a lifestyle change?

I have cut back on my drinking. As anyone who knows me knows, I love my beer. To be honest, I would have one or two a day after work and more if the day was stressful, and I would drink minimum a six pack on the weekends. All that changed this week. I haven’t had any. Frankly, it been a long time coming. Consciously or sub-consciously, I realized that my health was struggling; not so much the weight thing, but the walking part. I am out of shape. Last night, we the “Eureka” moment – the final nail in the coffin that I could no longer deny.

A few weeks ago, I switched to light beer and I cut back. I just decided one day that if I wanted to drink beer, then that is what I had to do. In-fact, I haven’t had one all week this week, so that is something. I don’t miss it.

The next phase will be more difficult, but I will need to do it. Incorporate more greens in my diet. I don’t mind fruit and some vegetables, but I really do not care for salads. My partner, unfortunately for me, feels the same about salads as I do. Sure, I eat them if I eat out at a restaurant sometimes, but if I buy the stuff and try to eat it at home, then most of it goes into the waste can. Salads are not the only difficult part. I need to get back into moving more. I am finding this difficult. My knees and hips are shot. I don’t notice it as much in the summer months, but in these fall and winter months. I am feeling more pain with my arthritis at this time of year. I have decided that since I cannot yet walk uphill without great difficulty. I can walk downhill okay. I may not start at a fast pace and I may not do so every day at first, but I can start.

Every morning, pretty much, I end up waiting 5 to 10 minutes for a shuttle bus to take me to the nearest SkyTrain station. This is the time that I could walk to the station. It may take me longer at first, but eventually I would be able to walk it that amount of time, so I will. I am promising myself that I will do so at least twice a week and then build up from there once it gets easier. It is not much, but it is definitely a start. At least, it is better than no walking.

Little changes.

—Robert Confiant 17 November 2018


1.      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Habit, Habit.