I broke free

All I remember of those times was the endless pain. I begged for it to end; there was no end.

My suffering seemed so endless. I could no longer see tomorrow. I only saw the pain and more pain. It stabbed at me until it immobilized me with fear and dread. The endless tears, they flowed freely. I crouched into a ball rocking myself while I begged, and begged, for the hurt to go away. I tried to run-away and yet the pain did not abide. The pain remained. “Why, oh why,” I yelled, “Why, oh why, was this happening to me?”

When I felt I could go no longer go forward, I fell, I fell until I thought I could fall no further, yet still I tumbled downward and downward, and when it seemed it would never end, I finally hit rock bottom.

They confronted me and pleaded for me to seek help, those who loved me the most. The medicine was a bitter pill; it was what was required.

From this darkness, I found the strength. I took my first steps and I scaled out from the bottom of the abyss until I saw the glorious and shiny light. I broke free, free from the chains of entrapment, free from hopeless, and free despair.

Baby steps, at first all I accomplished were steps filled with trepidation and anxiety, but with each success, I felt surer, more myself. I was able. I was capable.

My confidence grew. I continued onward until one day, much later, I realized… I succeeded. I survived. I was alive. The demons lost, and I won. I am myself.
—Robert Confiant 9 April 2016 (mod 24 March 2018)

 

 

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