An image of myself

Sick yesterday… sore back today, I hate getting older.

I have this image of myself. It is me at my prime. One would think this would be me at a young age, and sometimes that would be correct. I see myself as I was at 172 lbs: I was thirty-eight.

I think I pick this time because I was smart and at a healthier weight. I know, I am a short guy so being 172 lbs is still overweight (at least by the BMI scale, which (at least in North America) is used to measure healthy weight. I don’t agree with the use of BMI. I believe it to be at least 10 lbs off. I am not sure how this measurement became the de facto tool for measurement, but it doesn’t consider other factors.

But I digress, the point is I see an ideal image of myself. I believe we are all guilty of this.

Unfortunately, the aging process sometimes bursts this illusion. The aches and pains that come with getting older remind me that I am no longer twenty, thirty nor even forty. It doesn’t matter your age. It only matters that one takes care of oneself.

These last few years (possibly more than a few), I let myself go. I was not only overweight; I was obese. I stopped exercising due to a knee injury. Instead of watching what I eat and drank (because I love my beer) and continue exercising; I did the opposite. I ate and drank all that I wanted, and I stopped exercising completely.

I came to realize that I needed to cut back on what I ate, and what I drank, and that I needed to move more (even if it was no more than walking more). This started by cutting down on the amount I ate and switching to low-alcohol beer. A few months ago, I even gave alcohol completely, and now I only drink occasionally. I have reached a point in my life that I realized that I have only myself to take care of myself – no one can do it for you. So, it is a process.

I have done well, and I still have more to do. I realize that change is a slow process and that change requires learning new behaviours and cutting out bad actions.

I still have an ideal image of myself. I realize this in my dreams. In my dreams, I am never disabled, I am fit, and I am younger. This may not be realistic, but it is how I see myself most of the time. So, I do not like the reality of getting older, but the aging process keeps me real. I cannot undo the affects of aging, but I can minimize its effect by keeping healthy as possible.

It all I can do. It is all anyone can do.
—Robert Confiant 29 January 2017

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