Live in the now

“Forever is a very long time; stay in the now, this day is enough for anyone to handle,” this is what I have learned from my over coming depression.

Depression, it is difficult to explain depression to anyone who has not experienced it. It is more than feeling sad and blue: It is a pain and despair that tears you at your very soul. It is a hopelessness deeper than any abyss one could imagine. It is a period where one worries about the mistakes of the past and the fret of tomorrow. It is a life without a future – a life with nothing, but pain.

My depression was one of self-confidence and self-esteem, or more, specifically, the lack of these characteristics. As a child, I never gave in; I never gave up. Sure, I fell, or a failed, but I would just pick myself up and it another try. My family never, if ever, hindered my attempts. They never dissuaded me from my many attempts. It wasn’t until I entered middle-school and high-school that I experienced any discouragement by, so called, specialists and teachers where I was told, “To be realistic and accept my limitations.” Unfortunate for me, I took them to heart. I began to give up and to doubt my abilities.

In my late teens and early twenties, I found I could not continue with schooling and I could not obtain a job. Unfortunately, I graduated grade twelve during the recession of the early nineteen-eighties. This series of failure, contributed to the further decrease of my sense of confidence and self-esteem. At the onset of this period, I began to be depressed. My depression got worst, until I finally hit bottom. I had to get help, but I avoided psychiatrists because I did not want to take medication. Sometimes, I regret this decision; however, I learned to deal with my depression without the use of drugs.

I got on to a vocational rehab program that shortly got me a job. With the success of that career, my confidence increased. Later, I returned to an adult high-school and got my OACs (formerly grade thirteen), which I required for university. I graduated with a B+ average. I was self-esteem was greatly increased.

This journey, of renewal, taught me how to deal with depression. I still got depressed though this timeline, but instead of isolating myself; I went out. Instead of shutting down; I shared my thoughts and feelings with friends. I did the opposite of what I felt to try to draw myself out of the depression. This trick worked for me. I found I could overcome my depression state. It took a few days, or sometimes up to a week for me to realize I was depressed, but when this realization occurred, then I acted upon it.

Life is not always easy, but it is not always bad either. Life is like a river, which sometimes runs smoothly, and we coast along in our blissful disregard, and in other parts, it has currents and eddies, in which we must struggle and fight just to keep afloat. Life is: living and death, happiness and sadness, joy and despair, love and heart-break, and a whole bunch more. Thus, life is full of opposites. One just needs to navigate through the currents and eddies they best one knows how.

I have learned how to deal with my trials and tribulations by staying in the now, and by dealing with events as they occur; one step at a time.
—Robert Confiant 9 October 2016


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