Since Sunday’s shooting at Pulse Nightclub, I have been feeling – well, that’s just it – I am still not too sure what I was feeling: Sad, remorseful, angry, determined, and/or little blue. I have been all of those, but also unmotivated.
The unmotivated part is the indicator that helped me to determine what I was feeling, and that feeling was depression. When I get depressed, I lose all interests in the things I previously derive pleasure from: going out, socializing, and writing (just to name a few). I haven’t done a lot of these things since the beginning of the week. I have been going through the motions, or at least, it feels that way.
I am okay, thanks for caring, but I got out today. I met a co-worker who I deeply care for. I have been on holidays for the last week or so, thus I had not seen her. I discovered that I left my good friend in a bind. The work load has been, and still is, extremely heavy. After working short-handed for months now, I need a break. I took two weeks off, but in so doing I inadvertently left her to carry more the load. Now, I realize that life is trying at times, but I am not the only one and that others have it the same or worst. This realization helped to snap me out of my depression.
Perhaps, last Monday, I should have returned to work, then at least, I could have preoccupied my mind with work task instead of watching hours and hours of agonizing and depressing news. Perhaps it was just seeing my friend. Who know, at least my mood improved and to me that was all that count.
Life is funny: Ha, ha.
When it throws you a curve ball and one is unsure as to the course of action you should do (or not do), sometimes all it takes is a different perspective to discover a solution. A different perspective is usually what it takes to snap me out of my depressed state. I guess it worked this time too.
―Robert Confiant 17 June 2016