I gained my weight back and I’m pissed off at myself

I gained my weight back and I’m pissed off at myself; that’s okay, piss off is good. It helps get me motivated for change.

I never started gaining weight until I was sixteen. By my early twenties, I started to realize I was putting on pounds – I still did nothing about it (I should have done something then I guess, but hindsight is twenty-twenty vision).

By my early forties, I stated the “diet thing.” My weight went down, then slowly back up. For ten years, I played the “diet game.”

dieting

It happened again, I gained the weight. It been a difficult last three years, or so. My Cerebral Palsy, aging and premature aging in the form of: tiredness, aches, osteoarthritis; plus, my lack of drive and energy. My work environment became a huge issue as well.

Due to circumstances, which were unexpected, we have been short-handed at work. A lot of it fell on my shoulders (I don’t handle stress well. Especially, when the stress is over a long period of time). I drank and ate a lot to compensate my emotional state.

Last week, it hit me that I gained all the weigh I had lost from my Toronto days. I am determined to loss 40 – 50 pounds. I still will be over weight, but I won’t be obese. I am not young, and I don’t believe the BMI is a valid measurement of health and I won’t be doing a diet. They don’t work in the long term. I need to learn new eating habits and to make these changes a life style routine.

I will get there. It will just take time, but I am in no rush, and I will probably fail a few times; however, I am determined to stay the course.
—Robert Confiant 29 April 2018

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