I am not too sure what it is like coming out in a society that is more accepting of LGBTQ people. One would think it is easier to come out, but I am sure that for most people, it is still quite nerve racking, even if one’s family already suspect.
I was twenty-nine when I brought about coming out, but then my brother came out because he was sick.
My parents asked me if I was gay, after they informed the rest of the family a few days after Christmas. It was all I could do to appear calm, and not to hyperventilate in front of them. I said, “No.” I denied it because AIDS was rampant, and I wasn’t acting on my impulses (I was more celebrate than a RC priest). For a little over twenty years, I was asexual.
In hindsight, I wish I hadn’t denied it; however, if I hadn’t I am sure I would still be living a whole different life in Toronto. But, the whole idea is mute because I did deny it.
I came out ten years later, and I felt I had to leave Toronto to do so comfortably.
As trying as it was for me, I am sure that even today, it is difficult for some people to come out. Whether they live in a small town, or whether they were reared in a strict environment, or none of these two issues, it isn’t easy for some people to come out. Look at the movie: “Love, Simon,” a movie based on Becky Abertalli’s book “Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda.” For all appearances, Simon has it all, except he has a secret – he’s gay. He says (and I am paraphrasing here), “I don’t want anything to change.”
I think this is true for most closeted people thinking of coming out: The fear that things will change; that people will change their outlook of you, or their attitude towards you, or worst disown you – yes, in some cases, this still happens. Fear, this is what keeps one in the closet. It is why I delayed in coming out.
—Robert Confiant 4 May 2018