I may or may not publish this post. I will write it and give it a while before, or if, I post this posting.
When one should be honest, first to oneself and then to others.
This is the question… It is a lot like the coming out process, where one needs to come out to oneself and to be honest to oneself about being LGBTQ first before one can come out to others.
I was 22 years old before I admitted to myself that what I was more than a phase. I was 29/30 years old when I was ready to come out to others, but something prevented my coming out. It would take another 10 years for me to come out; I was 40 years old. I have always known that I was gay. I just didn’t know it had a name until I was 14 years old.
Anyway, I am at another crossroad in my life. I wish to retire, but I cannot realistically do this for another 4 years. I wish to take up writing full-time; however, unless my writing starts producing large quantities of money, it isn’t going to happen, and winning the lottery is a pipe dream, so I have no other option than to continue working.
Oh well, 4 years is not too long, the time will fly by.
I am of a generation where we were raised to do an honest day’s work. I plan to do this until the end (It is just some days will be harder than others. Although to be fair on myself, I really do work hard most days).
As a result, I will continue browsing write on the side. This is better than not writing at all.
I am just being honest with myself and to others. It is how I feel now.
—Robert Confiant 22 May 2018