I want to use the word, “Sad,” for what I have been feeling these past few days. But that would be the wrong word – it is too strong; its connotation is too much.

I have been reflective about my life (one need only review my Facebook posts for the last week for proof of this). I have been playing, “What if.”

What if I made different choice here, or another decision at a key moment in time? What I discovered is that there are pivotal moments that cannot be changed in one’s life. I realized that choosing a different option would have meant a different career, or city, or partner. It was a fascinating thought experience.

Some writers, I have read somewhere, are encouraged to ponder “what if.” I use this technique in my own writings. It helps me think of different scenarios, different character development, and alternate conclusions.

I hadn’t really thought about why I have been so reflective lately until now. I am a bit home sick. I miss my family and the friends I had back there (some, unfortunately, are gone completely; they’ve gone onward to the great expanse). I haven’t been seeing my friends here either – I kind of been hibernating, it has been a long winter. I also feel that I have neglected my friends. I need to reconnect with people. For the most part, I am a people person. I enjoy and thrive when I connect with people. Unfortunately, this usually encompasses drinking, and I wish to continue curtailing my drinking – I guess I could just go out to eat and hold off on the drinking part.

Anyway, this is the point where I find myself. I just wanted to put that out there and let my friends and family know I miss them and value their company.

—Robert Confiant 24 May 2018

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