In my previous post, I wrote on my lost of religion. I no longer believe in the institutional church and I believe its time has come and gone, so the question that follows is: What do I believe in?
I had my doubts. This happens to believers who constantly question tenet beliefs. This is natural. It’s how one grows in faith (Although, to be fair, questioning one’s faith has been known to lead to lost of faith as well).
I mentioned, previously, that I lost my faith; however, I still continued to pray and to believe. It became apparent that part of me still believed in God. I just didn’t believe in the God I grew up with.
For a number of years, I believed that there was a God. I still held the tenet of the Trilogy of the Godhead. I just questioned everything else. The role of the church, the role of priests, and the stance on its teachings: confession and forgiveness, the woman’s role within the church, the teaching on pro-life (abortion, euthanasia, and suicide), its stance on divorce (Although, this has changed recently), its stance on homosexuality, and the stance of celibacy. The reports of sexual abuse by priests in the late 1980s and all through the 1990s and a bit later, in Canada, the report on residential schools (by all denominations) turned me away from attending church. I believe the church lost its moral standing to teach or lead others in the faith.
I find myself church-less.
I still believe in the Trinity of the Godhead. I believe in the power of prayer (I just don’t pray for myself other than for guidance and for “Thy will be done;” since, everything else would seem self-serving and “Wish listing.” I don’t believe in praying for money, or things (God doesn’t care if you are living well here on Earth (Being a good Christian doesn’t mean you get rewarded with things. On the contrary, Jesus preached against putting things (money) ahead of one’s faith) “Then Jesus told His disciples, ‘If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me.'”
Matt 16: 24 (NIV)
I try to live a good life. I attempt to treat others as I would like to be treated. I don’t always succeed, but I try my best. I haven’t intentionally set out to hurt anyone, but no one is perfect. I am only human. I haven’t always lived a holy life. I am tempted as much as anyone else, but I do my best.
I no longer do the confession thing (I follow the reformation tenant of seeking forgiven from God directly). I have stopped studying the bible, but I believe I will be returning to this practice; however, I am a firm believer that one does not find the meaning of life through studying religion itself. I believe the Truth will be found in faith, but that science and philosophy play a part in this discovery. I used to think of the search for truth as a coin, with Religion on one side and Science on the other side, and somewhere between these two schools of studies led one to the truth. Now I see, that philosophy also plays a role. By Truth, I mean the answers to all our questions, why are we here and what is our role (how do we fit in the big picture of things)?
So, this is where I stand. I will continue to search.
—Robert Confiant 25 August 2018