This past weekend

It was an emotionally rough weekend. I drank and ate way too much. 

I have been trying since Christmas to lose weight. This past weekend I tossed this out the door. I didn’t feel depressed, but I wasn’t in a good place either. I guess I felt a bit blue; although at the time, I didn’t realize this. The drinking and overeating should have been a clue.

I tend to shut myself off when I feel down. I am sure a lot of us who suffer from depression do tend to hibernate. I know I tend to stay indoors. 

It didn’t help that I felt exhausted from a stressful week (It is still somewhat stressful). I won’t truly be at ease until I catch up on my work load, but the work just keeps coming. It helps that we have another person, but she is new and it will take time for her to pick up her pace. Still, things are slowly improving, so that’s good.

I feel better now. I am back on the weight loss program (I am counting calories; it’s all about caloric deficit. I refuse to diet as they never work for me). Anyway, I feel better than I did on the weekend. Although as I stated, it never really dawned on me that I was in trouble at the time. Depression is like that. It’s insidious. For me, it can take up to a week before I realize that I am not in a good frame of mind. At least, I do realize this, so that’s a good thing. I have learnt to get myself out of these ruts by doing the opposite of what I am feeling. This may not work for others, but it works for me. Depression has similarities with most people who suffer from it, but there are differences as we are all unique individuals.

I am better. Now, if only I can catch up on some of my work to which, I don’t feel as if I am drowning. I will get there.
—Robert Confiant 14 May 2019

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