How’s it working out for you?

This lock down… How’s it working out for you? I thought it wasn’t affecting me. I don’t think this any more.

It’s my writing. Rather, it’s my lack of writing which shed light to the contrary.

One of the signs of depression is not doing what one enjoys doing, and I love to write. It took me quite awhile to discover that I like to write.

I used to write poetry when I was younger. Some of it was quite good. Over time, I became depressed and my writing grew dark. I continued to write; it was depressing work.

After I hit rock bottom, I gave up writing.

I crawled my way up until I got back up my feet. It was a long and arduous struggle. One of the methods which helped me was returning to school. With each success, I grew more confident. Although I was in school, I never returned to writing. I had a teacher which wasn’t very encouraging. I don’t blame him. I don’t think I really saw myself as a writer.

This changed when I took up writing again fifteen years ago. It started with poetry, then verse, then short-stories, and finally I self-published. I would like to say it was good piece of work. I know it has potential. It could; however, use a good editor and more revision. I couldn’t afford proper editing, so I used the company’s services. Their service wasn’t very good. The book could still use a good editor review.

I believe my writing has improved over the years. I am not saying, “I am a good writer.” I am not kidding myself here. It’s like any craft. It takes years of work, and I am just beginning. One has to pay one’s due. Besides, it gives me joy.

So, maybe I don’t feel depressed. This stalemate with my writing, it shows me differently. It is proof, at least a little bit, I am depressed. It took me a few weeks longer than it usually does. It been a lot more subtle than normal. I can no longer deny it. I am somewhat depressed. My solution, well that’s an easy one… I do what I always do when I get depressed. I do the opposite of what I feel. I write.
—Robert Confiant 16 May 2020

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