Why I let you go

We said, “Good-bye.”
Amiably.
It was no longer working out – for either of us.
Some days, I wish we could turn back the clock.
But, I know this will never be.
There was a reason, why we parted.
One of which was, we each had different goals.
You should know that our parting, broke that part of me that was you.

Life is like this for some.
It was fun at the start.
The sex was great.
Until it was not.
One of us wanted more than the other one could give…
…Or wanted to give,
I no longer know; I no longer care.
‘Cause our parting, broke that part of me that was you.

“Soulmates,” we once called each other.
Now, we’re just “mates.”
You are like family to me.
Like all my other exes,
fuck-buddies,
or friends.
You’re my friend, my family.
This is all you can ever be, to me.
‘Cause our parting, broke that part of me that was you.

Now you know, why I let you go.
—Robert Confiant 29 July 2018

Friendship

You just left and I already miss you.

Your support these past few years was very much appreciated. I didn’t tell you how much your encouragement and friendship meant to me as often as I should have. I hope I this was the same for you. Friendship should be a two way prospect.

I have had “friends” who have used me for what they can get from me. In my insecurity, at the time, I let them believing it was better to have a friend than not. Thankfully, I learnt that friendship should be a mutual affair (I learnt this the hard way).

By the time I met you, or you met me, since I was employed first, I learnt that friendship is a two way thing. This, I hope you received the support and encouragement from me as I had from you.

You have gone on to bigger and greater pathway (You’re taking a trip of a lifetime first – congratulations and bon voyage). I wish you all the best in your endeavors. Please know that if you need to chat, or vent, then I will always be here for you, although not always in person (Thank-you chat app).

I want you to know, as you pursue this new adventure, that you have made a friend in me, and I in you. If you need me just call.

Your friend,
Robert (Bob) Confiant
31 July 2018

Pivotal points, forks in the road

I had lunch with two co-workers last Thursday, one was leaving at the end of this week to pursue other avenues, and she wanted to get together before I left on vacation.

We got to discussing life, new beginnings and life choices. I told the two younger ladies what I have learned about life changes, which is this: There are pivotal points in one’s life where a decision is so important that it can change the course of one’s life dramatically. I explained that there are four, or five, points in my lifetime where a decision if made differently, would have altered my life completely.

fork in a road

One such choice would have been a co-worker I knew from my first full-time job at Ad-Scan. I believed, with hindsight, that he loved me and he wanted to be with me. If we had moved in together as roommates as he suggested, then I would have come out a lot sooner than I did. I would have built a life around us.

Another choice was to dropping out of college, the return to get my OAC/Grade 13 before attending university. If I had remained in college, I would have different friends and a career as a lab technician, and I would have built a life around this scenario.

About the same time as university, I met a certain co-worker. It was because of her that I moved to Vancouver. If we had never met at the bookstore those summer months, then I would never have thought of moving to Vancouver. I would have built a life in Toronto, I am not sure what that life could have been, but I guess I would be in IT somewhere living close to work, or still at home with my brother.

Another was when the co-worker mentioned previously (just above) passed away, I got pretty home sick once and I was tempted to give it all up, but my sister talked me out of it stating I had a good career with a pension and good benefits, I also built a life here and I had friends here. It would be a shame to just throw it all away and to have to restart all over again.

Lastly, if I had never met my partner online, or he did not answer my ad, then I would have had a different life than the one I currently have. Perhaps, I may have even moved back to the Toronto area.

We all have pivotal moments in our lives. Points so critical, these forks in the road, that a decision one way, or another, leads to an alternate life existence.

I have the advantage of age and hindsight. I know my pivotal life points, these forks in the road. There are only five, but they lead me to where I am today.
—Robert Confiant 23 July 2018

Those were the days

Those were the days
And what a time was had
Sitting around the kitchen table
A-heeing and a-hawing to those Blue Grass lyrics
Dad singing and strumming
With the boys by his side.

jammin

Those were the days
The music flowed
Them hurting songs
Made you want to sing along
Picking and strumming those Country hits.

Those were the days
What a time we had
Dancing the night away
Weekend in
And weekend out
We partied all weekend long.

Those were the days
Those were the times
The music’s done
The old man’s gone
And the boys moved on.

Those were the days…
—Robert Confiant 16 July 2018

My father and weekends

dawn1

I am writing a verse (I just whip it up, but it still needs work, so I haven’t posted it yet). It got me thinking about those days of yesteryear and my dad.

My father lived for the weekend. He hated work day mornings. I remember my sister warning me not to say anything to anyone the first time I had to get up to work with my father, my brother and my sister (As I was one of those cheery people in the morning and they were not). But come the weekend my father was up with the birds.

I don’t think he wanted to miss anything come the weekends. Often times, he would organize social gatherings with lots of homemade music. He would invite his brother and a few of his friends to play and sing a song or two (or more). Sometimes, these parties would start one day and continue well into the next.

What good times; what great memories.
—Robert Confiant 16 July 2018

I did not want to go into work today

I did not want to go into work today.

For the most part, I love my job. The people I work with, my immediate co-workers are great. There is the coffee club (or remnants of it), the group I work with and the front line workers – all good team players (mostly).

We have another shortage in our department and I am starting to fall behind on my regular work because I am working on filling the gap. Without going into great detail, it is really no one’s fault. People retire and people leave it’s as simple as that. The first gap was due to retirement and the second gap was due to someone leaving. What I fret over is how long it took to hire the second person after the first person retired: A long time. I don’t think I can deal with this situation again. I don’t have the will, or the determination to do so again. It’s frustrating. I am already feeling the pressure.

frustration

I am sure I am not the only person experiencing this issue of people leaving and being short-handed. I just wished they would hire a replacement more quickly. The process takes so long. I just know I am going to have an ‘F’ it attitude about it this time. I just cannot do it anymore. I feel work doesn’t support me anymore and I feel I am being taken advantage of and no one likes to feel like they are being taken advantage of. I keep reminding myself that I now only have a little over three and a half years to remain.

I will work hard. It was how I was raised – to do a good honest day’s work (I know, I am a dying breed – a dinosaur – LOL). But, I will no longer “kill” myself doing so.

What can one do? Nothing.

I will go into work and I will work hard, but it is not as much fun; it is not the same.
—Robert Confiant 11 July 2018

What makes life worthwhile? What gets you motivated? What gets you up to face each day?

dawn1

What makes life worthwhile? What gets you motivated? What gets you up to face each day? These are interesting questions.

I myself cannot fully answer these questions, but I will attempt my best to answer them.
Because I must, I must get up. One has to earn a living. One has to earn an income to live. Life isn’t cheap: There is a rent/mortgage, food, clothing, and bills to pay. However, there must be more to life than being chained to the “nine to five” existence; there must be more to life than “Working for the man.” For me, writing and socializing fill the gap. I love to write. It has become my passion. I like to socialize as well. I am not good in a strange crowd, but over time I become more social. I am shy at first, but outgoing once I get to know people.

I like to meet a lot of different people from a lot of different places, and with a lot of different experiences in life. Everyone of us is unique. We all are different: We come from different classes, different cultures, different upbringings and different experience. It is a joy to learn about where people are at in life, where they have been and what their hopes and dreams are for the future. I get a kick out of learning about the people who come into my life.

I am a writer, so I write about what I know, and about what I like. Sometimes I write about what I have learnt and what I have experienced. I write about how I am doing or how I am feeling. I write about whatever comes to mind. I never really know what I will write until I sit down and start to write. Sometimes it is a topic.

I usually start with the topic on the opening line of my verse. It is still a wonder sometimes where I get my ideals; although, I try not to over analyze my writing procedure too much. I just accept that ideas come to me and I write about whatever idea has entered my brain – It’s as simple as that – no great mystery.

My partner helps get me motivated to face each day. My partner, in this case, is also my best friend. He loves me, and I him. I know he would never intentionally hurt me. This was a key in my search for a companion. We love each other unconditionally though. I accept him and he accepts me. It is why we rarely argue. We have never gone to sleep angry. We’ve always ironed out our differences before going to bed. It makes getting up in the morning easy.

So, these are the reasons that life is worthwhile, getting up is easy, and they are the things that help me face each day.
—Robert Confiant 7 July 2018