Letting the sun shine in

The truth be told, “I wrote this on the way home from work last night.”

“Let the sun shine, let the sun shine, the sun shine in.

Let the sun shine, let the sun shine, the sun shine in.

Let the sun shine, let the sun shine, the sun shine in.”

Aquarius – The 5th Dimension

It still sunny! It’s almost 5:30 PST and it is still sunny.

What a glorious feeling! With all the snow the last few days, it feels good. My spirit is soaring with delight. It was a sunny day most of today and my mood brightened with the rays of sunshine pouring over me. Even though I work in doors, I took some time to absorb some rays; this put me in a good mood. It’s quite a chance from the last few days.

The past few days made me feel blue. I hadn’t realized it because I’ve been so busy at work. Until today, the sunny disposition I felt shed light on how blue I was feeling. I am not a fan of snow and now I know this fact definitively. My eyes are wide open to the fact that winter puts me in a Seasonal Affect Disorder (SAD) mood. I have a light for SAD, but I haven’t used it much this winter. In hindsight, I think I made a bad decision in not using my lamp more this winter.

—Robert Confiant 14 February 2018

I am working on it

I have lost fourteen pounds since Christmas. It isn’t as awesome as it seems. I lost eight pounds in the first two weeks, and then I plateaued for over a month.

My brother was in town a little over a week ago and he commented on my weight gain (my heaviest weight ever; shamelessly to admit). I told him, “I am warning on it and that I lost eight pounds.”

I want to do things differently this time. I have lost count how many times I’ve tried to lose weight. Diets work for a while, but then I go back to my old habits. I am striving for a lifestyle change and new habits by cutting down on portion sizes, eating more vegetables, and true social drinking (and not what I previously considered social drinking. But if I want one or two drinks a week, then I will. So far, I haven’t wanted one).

It’s working. I have lost another six pounds. According to the Body-Mass Index (BMI), I am morbidly obese. I don’t believe one should go NY the BMI scale. I think realistically, one should carry ten to fifteen pounds above what the BMI states (in case, one gets sick. But more so, because it’s more realistic, I am 56 yo, I don’t care how old one is, I know 140 to 145 lbs is never going to happen besides 155 to 160 is more realistic weight, but at my age, I will settle for 170 to 175 lbs.

In any event, because I am not dieting, it will take a long time to get there and that’s okay. It took a long time to pack it on, so it’s going to take a long time to take it off. It’s about lifestyle and habit changes and these take time. Besides, I am bound to slip every once in a while; it’s human nature. The thing is not to fret, or quit just because one screws up once in a while (something I have done in the past.

Life’s a journey. I will keep you posted.

—Robert Confiant 7 February 2019

Got to keep moving

It’s seven o’clock in the morning and the sun is rising. It’s near the end of January, so I think this is probably standard for this time of year. I never noticed before, so I cannot say otherwise. Whether it is, or is not, it is nice to observe.

It’s a brisk morning though and one can feel the chill in the air. I like it. I find that the colder air is also the freshest air. I found this to be true wherever I lived. Although, I only lived in two provinces and three cities. But I would think, discussing this with others, it is much the same anywhere in Canada. It was why I enjoyed shoveling snow as often as I did when I was much younger and in my twenties. I liked the cold fresh air that winter brought that’s a strange think I know for one to enjoy shoveling so much. But I did.

By shoveling snow, I discovered that it gave me time to reflect on the day, or how I was doing or feeling. It was good exercise too. I felt tired but re-energized too (exercise does that – it revitalizes you). When I used to workout in the gym, I would hit the zone. I was tired, but I would get in the groove and I found I enjoyed exercising.

Unfortunately, those days are gone. On cold and/or wet days, my osteoarthritis prevents me from much movement, but I discovered that I need to fight the urge not too move. At the very least, I should walk more (Others with cerebral palsy have warned me of the urge to be stagnated and not wishing to move more). I am trying, but I find it tiring and frustrating. Still, I must prod on and keep moving. Perhaps the coming warmer temperatures will help motivate me. I should at least try a little bit every day.

I guess that’s good advice for anyone, “Keep moving people.”
—Robert Confiant 29 January 2019

I couln’t sleep

solitude I awoke from a dream last night, and try as I might, I couldn’t get back to sleep. I cannot even remember what the dream was about. I am forty minutes from the alarm, and I have been awake since 3:30 am. There is no sense going back to bed. I will pay for this lack of sleep later today. Oh well, I am not going to worry about it. I figured I might as well write.

Yesterday was a busy day at work. I am still trying to play catch up. I have put a good dent in the amount of work I had to catch up on what with the Christmas closing for a week and me taking the following week off. My co-worker returned on the same day I did – the 7th of January. We came back to a lot of work. I have caught up on the important stuff, but the everyday menial tasks; well, that’s another story. I did complete one part yesterday and it felt good to have completed the task (Sorry dear reader, I am being vague here I know, but it is just part of the everyday clerical task of informing clients they need to obtain a business licence). I hope to tackle the current outstanding payments and the returned mail in the coming weeks by doing a little bit of each everyday until they are complete while staying on top of all the new stuff coming into the office on a daily basis.

The work load has been extremely busy because my co-worker and I have been doing more of the load than usual. We’ve been short-handed for seven months and they just re-posted the vacant position before Christmas, so the process of hiring someone has to being again. I am finding this frustrating, but it’s beyond my control. I just do what I can do and try not to fret about it too much. It is strange though, usually we have two slow periods throughout the year to catch up and catch our breathes, but there was only onetime last year and it only lasted two weeks. It hasn’t slowed down since September. I don’t see it slowing down in the near future.

None of this was what I dreamed about, but it is on my mind this may be indirectly keeping me up. Who can say?
—Robert Confiant 22 January 2019

What have I been up to?

What have I been up to? “Really I haven’t been up to much,” I am afraid to say. Until this week, I was off work and I did nothing but watched too much YouTube. Normally I would feel guilty for this; however, it was much needed down time as work had been very busy and we were doubly short handed with one position being vacant and another person being away on vacation.

Awake and writing

It’s a new year and a new start. I need to grasp this chance while I can. We are still extremely busy at work, so until we catch up, I find myself not wanting to do much when I get home.

In the next few weeks, I hope to get back into writing more seriously than I have been. Some of the stuff I will publish here while other stuff I will try to get published. I am planning to retire in three years come April and I hope to make writing a new career sort of speak.

That’s it for me now. I hope you all have a blessed and good year. If you’re struggling currently, there is no shame in asking for help even if it is only to vent to a sympathetic ear.

Lots of love.
—Robert Confiant 9 January 2019

I don’t like asking for help

RobertConfiant

Three days ago, I wrote about work load and stressing out. It occurred to me afterwards that the reason I take on such unrealistic amount of work, or why I hate to quit something I am doing is that I don’t like to ask for help, or I don’t want to admit I can’t do something.

One might think this is due to pride and/or stubbornness and these reasons are probably somewhat valid. I take pride in what I do. I work hard, so why not? I am also very stubborn. I like my independence. There is nothing wrong with it.

The real reason I am stubborn is due to my Cerebral Palsy (CP). As a person with CP, I must be stubborn. Stubbornness is the one trait which keeps me going, or keep me at something. I don’t think I would be as independent, or have accomplished as much if I wasn’t as stubborn as I am. I message with other persons with CP on-line and most of them share this stubborn trait. It is what keeps us trying new things, or staying with doing difficult tasks. For most of us whose CP affects our legs, even something simple as putting on socks and shoes can be challenging. There are studies out there that prove people with CP use more energy to do every day task than people without physical disabilities. Most of us take this in stride, this is our “normal.” We don’t know any differently.

Stubbornness can be a good asset.
—Robert Confiant 15 December 2018

I snapped

Snapping Last Wednesday, I snapped. I was stressed out and over worked. I snapped at a co-worker for dropping yet another item on my desk (I later apologized, but she told me she didn’t notice anything strange – I sure did).

My supervisor came to me later that day and told me not to worry about things and that we will manage. The work load hasn’t slowed and we’ve been short-handed since May. At our busiest time, next week, I will be on my own as my other co-worker (who should not have to do as much clerical work as he is doing as he has his own duties to do) leaves on vacation – a perfect storm if you ask me, but he is entitled to vacation time. I am not too sure how, or if, I will manage.

I shouldn’t worry, so I guess. It wouldn’t stress me out as much if I just did what I could do and not care if I cannot keep up. This is not me, I cannot stop worrying about what needs to be done. For my sanity sake, I will have to try. Thankfully, the ladies at the FOH continue to offer their help for which I am truly grateful. This will help ease the load.

I am hanging in there.
—Robert Confiant 12 December 2018