I am being more productive

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how I need to be more productive with my living. I believe I have lived up to this promise. I have spent less time on social media. I am reading more, writing more (at least on this and my other (Health) blog. I am also been busy with stuff around the condo, cooking more meals at home, and with doing exercising (At least, doing Calisthenics).

The keeping busy thing, away from Social Media sites, has not been easy for me. I still do it, but not to the same degree that I had been. Do I have room for improvement? Of course, I do. Everyone could improve on anything if they really needed to. It’s human nature. The thing is, does everyone try to strive for self-improvement. I doubt it.

As I age, I see the need to self-improve. I don’t know what exactly started me on this journey of self-improvement, but I believe it was after I hit rock bottom with my depression, and my family strongly encouraged me to seek help – At the time, I wasn’t good at asking for help. I guess having a disability and the need to show I could be self-sufficient did not help in this matter. I learnt that I could not always do things on my own. For me, this wasn’t an easy lesson. I sought professional help.

I went for training, they helped me find work. Later, when I was ready, I went back to school to get my OACs/Grade 13 (It was a transitional period – Now, they don’t even offer this option, but back then you needed it to get into university). My wanting to be in school, make all the difference. Before when I didn’t wish to be there, I only got average marks. Whereas the second time, I excelled. This was the start. It gave me confidence that I could do things. It was the first step in change. Later, I got into IT. IT changes all the time and one is required to keep up with the changes in order to continue to be relevant. I learnt not to fear change. I began to incorporate the idea of change in my daily living. I strove to self-improve. I read more, tried new things.

Even today, I still try to improve. I write more. I used to write as a teen, but then I stopped. I stopped because I wrote a lot of poetry, but it was very dark and depressing. Because I suffered from depression at the time and I was trying to get out of that mindset, I gave up writing. Then about 10 or 15 years ago, I returned to writing. At first, it was short stories, then I wrote verse, then I wrote a book, and now I write blogs. I have improved immensely with my writing. I will always strive to be better, but the thing is to stay with it.

The “stay with it” is key. One must always stay with something if one is to improve at whatever one is striving to do. Writing is my thing. It has been a constant ever since I returned to it. Now, I am on a health kick. I was never good at dieting. I just “Yo-yo.” I have tried numerous times, but I always regained the weight back quickly. I know now; however, that the key is not to diet and to keep going. It needs to be a lifetime thing. It must be one of the “stay with it” kind of things.

You see, I am always learning. I hope I never stop.
—Robert Confiant 20 April 2019

Letting the sun shine in

The truth be told, “I wrote this on the way home from work last night.”

“Let the sun shine, let the sun shine, the sun shine in.

Let the sun shine, let the sun shine, the sun shine in.

Let the sun shine, let the sun shine, the sun shine in.”

Aquarius – The 5th Dimension 

It still sunny! It’s almost 5:30 PST and it is still sunny. 

What a glorious feeling! With all the snow the last few days, it feels good. My spirit is soaring with delight. It was a sunny day most of today and my mood brightened with the rays of sunshine pouring over me. Even though I work in doors, I took some time to absorb some rays; this put me in a good mood. It’s quite a chance from the last few days.

The past few days made me feel blue. I hadn’t realized it because I’ve been so busy at work. Until today, the sunny disposition I felt shed light on how blue I was feeling. I am not a fan of snow and now I know this fact definitively. My eyes are wide open to the fact that winter puts me in a Seasonal Affect Disorder (SAD) mood. I have a light for SAD, but I haven’t used it much this winter. In hindsight, I think I made a bad decision in not using my lamp more this winter.

—Robert Confiant 14 February 2018

I couln’t sleep

solitudeI awoke from a dream last night, and try as I might, I couldn’t get back to sleep. I cannot even remember what the dream was about. I am forty minutes from the alarm, and I have been awake since 3:30 am. There is no sense going back to bed. I will pay for this lack of sleep later today. Oh well, I am not going to worry about it. I figured I might as well write.

Yesterday was a busy day at work. I am still trying to play catch up. I have put a good dent in the amount of work I had to catch up on what with the Christmas closing for a week and me taking the following week off. My co-worker returned on the same day I did – the 7th of January. We came back to a lot of work. I have caught up on the important stuff, but the everyday menial tasks; well, that’s another story. I did complete one part yesterday and it felt good to have completed the task (Sorry dear reader, I am being vague here I know, but it is just part of the everyday clerical task of informing clients they need to obtain a business licence). I hope to tackle the current outstanding payments and the returned mail in the coming weeks by doing a little bit of each everyday until they are complete while staying on top of all the new stuff coming into the office on a daily basis.

The work load has been extremely busy because my co-worker and I have been doing more of the load than usual. We’ve been short-handed for seven months and they just re-posted the vacant position before Christmas, so the process of hiring someone has to being again. I am finding this frustrating, but it’s beyond my control. I just do what I can do and try not to fret about it too much. It is strange though, usually we have two slow periods throughout the year to catch up and catch our breathes, but there was only onetime last year and it only lasted two weeks. It hasn’t slowed down since September. I don’t see it slowing down in the near future.

None of this was what I dreamed about, but it is on my mind this may be indirectly keeping me up. Who can say?
—Robert Confiant 22 January 2019

Nothing special

I have a buddy who once stated that I should write about my life, but my life; well, it’s boring. Truly, I am not understating here. Most days are the same, I get up, go to work, come home, surf the net or write, and then I go to bed. On weekends, I generally get up with my partner, have coffee, and go back to bed after he has left for work, then I get up again, surf the net most of the day or write, or clean the apartment. See, my life is boring.

leaving

What my friend really wants me to write is the real story. The struggles and preservation to achieve my goals. If you are a regular reader to my blog, then you already know I have spastic cerebral palsy (CP) which affects my legs, but more so my right leg. I have had 10 operations on my legs with 3 on my left leg and 7 on my right leg; sometimes I had the operations on both legs at the same time (3 times to be exact).

Life with CP hasn’t been easy. It’s been a struggle at time. I have had to work harder than most people just to do the simple every day life things like putting on socks and shoes. For me this is a biggie, putting on socks and shoes, it takes me more time than the average person and sometimes I get the shakes which make it worst and it makes me have to do numerous attempts at putting them on.

I have learned much by being a person with CP. It is this that my friend wishes me to write about. I could write a whole volume about overcoming one’s limitations, about never giving up easily (perseverance), and doing all this and remaining humble, happy and well adjusted. I don’t believe I am that spectacular. We all have our issues and no one said life would be easy. I feel the same as everyone else. I don’t see myself as any different than anyone else. I have a physical disability which I cannot hide; others have issues they maybe able to hide, but they are real whether they be psychological, emotional or spiritual. Most of us are dealing with some issue or other. We are all humans just trying to make our way through life the best way we know how.

It’s nothing new, life. Life is what it is. I struggle sometimes, but there have been great times too. Life is what it is. We can only prod along the best way we can. See, there is nothing special or extraordinary about life. We all have one and we all are just figuring things out as we go along.
—Robert Confiant 19 January 2019

What have I been up to?

What have I been up to? “Really I haven’t been up to much,” I am afraid to say. Until this week, I was off work and I did nothing but watched too much YouTube. Normally I would feel guilty for this; however, it was much needed down time as work had been very busy and we were doubly short handed with one position being vacant and another person being away on vacation.

Awake and writing

It’s a new year and a new start. I need to grasp this chance while I can. We are still extremely busy at work, so until we catch up, I find myself not wanting to do much when I get home.

In the next few weeks, I hope to get back into writing more seriously than I have been. Some of the stuff I will publish here while other stuff I will try to get published. I am planning to retire in three years come April and I hope to make writing a new career sort of speak.

That’s it for me now. I hope you all have a blessed and good year. If you’re struggling currently, there is no shame in asking for help even if it is only to vent to a sympathetic ear.

Lots of love.
—Robert Confiant 9 January 2019

 

 

I don’t like asking for help

RobertConfiant

Three days ago, I wrote about work load and stressing out. It occurred to me afterwards that the reason I take on such unrealistic amount of work, or why I hate to quit something I am doing is that I don’t like to ask for help, or I don’t want to admit I can’t do something.

One might think this is due to pride and/or stubbornness and these reasons are probably somewhat valid. I take pride in what I do. I work hard, so why not? I am also very stubborn. I like my independence. There is nothing wrong with it.

The real reason I am stubborn is due to my Cerebral Palsy (CP). As a person with CP, I must be stubborn. Stubbornness is the one trait which keeps me going, or keep me at something. I don’t think I would be as independent, or have accomplished as much if I wasn’t as stubborn as I am. I message with other persons with CP on-line and most of them share this stubborn trait. It is what keeps us trying new things, or staying with doing difficult tasks. For most of us whose CP affects our legs, even something simple as putting on socks and shoes can be challenging. There are studies out there that prove people with CP use more energy to do every day task than people without physical disabilities. Most of us take this in stride, this is our “normal.”  We don’t know any differently.

Stubbornness can be a good asset.
—Robert Confiant 15 December 2018

 

I snapped

SnappingLast Wednesday, I snapped. I was stressed out and over worked. I snapped at a co-worker for dropping yet another item on my desk (I later apologized, but she told me she didn’t notice anything strange – I sure did).

My supervisor came to me later that day and told me not to worry about things and that we will manage. The work load hasn’t slowed and we’ve been short-handed since May. At our busiest time, next week, I will be on my own as my other co-worker (who should not have to do as much clerical work as he is doing as he has his own duties to do) leaves on vacation – a perfect storm if you ask me, but he is entitled to vacation time. I am not too sure how, or if, I will manage.

I shouldn’t worry, so I guess. It wouldn’t stress me out as much if I just did what I could do and not care if I cannot keep up. This is not me, I cannot stop worrying about what needs to be done. For my sanity sake, I will have to try. Thankfully, the ladies at the FOH continue to offer their help for which I am truly grateful. This will help ease the load.

I am hanging in there.
—Robert Confiant 12 December 2018