Somethings one cannot voice or write about

For those readers who write on blogs, have you ever come up with on idea or story for your blog, wrote it down, but never published it? I have.

When such occurrences happen, do you consider this omission to publish a detriment to your writing, or a kindness in keeping quiet, very similar to, “A lie of omission?” I do.

I must confess. I write a lot of personal topics. I am very open about myself and my life at the chagrin of some of my family. Because of this, I try to protect the people in my life as much as possible. I try never to name names or exact circumstances (under most circumstances anyway). It is this need to protect the people I love and care about that I do not publish every thought or article which I have thought of and/or jotted down in my writing app.

writing

Is this akin to the idea of “A lie of omission?” I believe so; however, I do so because sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes the truth hurts so much as to tear friendships and family apart. Thus, I keep such thoughts to myself.

My brother, who was in town on business, and I had dinner and two drinks each. While at dinner we compared the crazy price of housing between Vancouver and Toronto areas. After dinner while walking back to his rented car, he observed how easily I got winded easily and he stated as such; he also noted that I gained a lot of weigh. I wasn’t upset but agreed. I went on to explain I that I was working on it and I had lost nine pounds. Later, after he drove me home to the condominium, he came up to see it. He stated that it was kind of small, but a least it had a balcony that we could sit out on (I never mentioned that I personally don’t sit out there much as I dislike heights).

There are some truths some people can voice; there are still other truths which others would rather not hear. When does one know when is it safe to voice the truth and when to keep one’s opinions to oneself? That is the question.
—Robert Confiant 31 January 2019

Got to keep moving

It’s seven o’clock in the morning and the sun is rising. It’s near the end of January, so I think this is probably standard for this time of year. I never noticed before, so I cannot say otherwise. Whether it is, or is not, it is nice to observe.

It’s a brisk morning though and one can feel the chill in the air. I like it. I find that the colder air is also the freshest air. I found this to be true wherever I lived. Although, I only lived in two provinces and three cities. But I would think, discussing this with others, it is much the same anywhere in Canada. It was why I enjoyed shoveling snow as often as I did when I was much younger and in my twenties. I liked the cold fresh air that winter brought that’s a strange think I know for one to enjoy shoveling so much. But I did.

By shoveling snow, I discovered that it gave me time to reflect on the day, or how I was doing or feeling. It was good exercise too. I felt tired but re-energized too (exercise does that – it revitalizes you). When I used to workout in the gym, I would hit the zone. I was tired, but I would get in the groove and I found I enjoyed exercising.

Unfortunately, those days are gone. On cold and/or wet days, my osteoarthritis prevents me from much movement, but I discovered that I need to fight the urge not too move. At the very least, I should walk more (Others with cerebral palsy have warned me of the urge to be stagnated and not wishing to move more). I am trying, but I find it tiring and frustrating. Still, I must prod on and keep moving. Perhaps the coming warmer temperatures will help motivate me. I should at least try a little bit every day.

I guess that’s good advice for anyone, “Keep moving people.”
—Robert Confiant 29 January 2019

My cat gave us a scare

My partner called me at work to tell me Terra, my cat was throwing up a lot yesterday. I have to say, “I was a bit worried.” However, when I returned home, she was eating and then she went to lie down. The stuff in her litter this morning told me there were no issues in that department. Still, I will keep a watch out for the next few days and take her to the vet next week if I need to.

Terra block

Terra is not a lap Kittie. She’s never been one. She likes having someone around, but other than a few moments of affection, she just doesn’t her thing (mainly sleep). She is getting older and she is a bit more affectionate than when she was younger, but that’s it.
I can t we Lloyd she enjoys having someone home because she is a different cat since my partner came into the picture almost seven and a half years now. She seems more comforted (I worked long days with a fairly long commute and if I went out, then I wouldn’t get home until 8 or 9 pm, but this was only once or twice a week – sometimes three). That’s a long time for a cat to be alone. That has all changed now and Terra seems happier.

Terra is getting older one day she will get really old and possibly sick. I know that day is coming. I am not looking forward to it, but it is in the back of my mind. Hopefully, it is still a long way off.

Terra may not be the most affectionate cat, but she’s a good girl. I would miss her if she were gone.
—Robert Confiant 24 January 2019

I couln’t sleep

solitudeI awoke from a dream last night, and try as I might, I couldn’t get back to sleep. I cannot even remember what the dream was about. I am forty minutes from the alarm, and I have been awake since 3:30 am. There is no sense going back to bed. I will pay for this lack of sleep later today. Oh well, I am not going to worry about it. I figured I might as well write.

Yesterday was a busy day at work. I am still trying to play catch up. I have put a good dent in the amount of work I had to catch up on what with the Christmas closing for a week and me taking the following week off. My co-worker returned on the same day I did – the 7th of January. We came back to a lot of work. I have caught up on the important stuff, but the everyday menial tasks; well, that’s another story. I did complete one part yesterday and it felt good to have completed the task (Sorry dear reader, I am being vague here I know, but it is just part of the everyday clerical task of informing clients they need to obtain a business licence). I hope to tackle the current outstanding payments and the returned mail in the coming weeks by doing a little bit of each everyday until they are complete while staying on top of all the new stuff coming into the office on a daily basis.

The work load has been extremely busy because my co-worker and I have been doing more of the load than usual. We’ve been short-handed for seven months and they just re-posted the vacant position before Christmas, so the process of hiring someone has to being again. I am finding this frustrating, but it’s beyond my control. I just do what I can do and try not to fret about it too much. It is strange though, usually we have two slow periods throughout the year to catch up and catch our breathes, but there was only onetime last year and it only lasted two weeks. It hasn’t slowed down since September. I don’t see it slowing down in the near future.

None of this was what I dreamed about, but it is on my mind this may be indirectly keeping me up. Who can say?
—Robert Confiant 22 January 2019

Nothing special

I have a buddy who once stated that I should write about my life, but my life; well, it’s boring. Truly, I am not understating here. Most days are the same, I get up, go to work, come home, surf the net or write, and then I go to bed. On weekends, I generally get up with my partner, have coffee, and go back to bed after he has left for work, then I get up again, surf the net most of the day or write, or clean the apartment. See, my life is boring.

leaving

What my friend really wants me to write is the real story. The struggles and preservation to achieve my goals. If you are a regular reader to my blog, then you already know I have spastic cerebral palsy (CP) which affects my legs, but more so my right leg. I have had 10 operations on my legs with 3 on my left leg and 7 on my right leg; sometimes I had the operations on both legs at the same time (3 times to be exact).

Life with CP hasn’t been easy. It’s been a struggle at time. I have had to work harder than most people just to do the simple every day life things like putting on socks and shoes. For me this is a biggie, putting on socks and shoes, it takes me more time than the average person and sometimes I get the shakes which make it worst and it makes me have to do numerous attempts at putting them on.

I have learned much by being a person with CP. It is this that my friend wishes me to write about. I could write a whole volume about overcoming one’s limitations, about never giving up easily (perseverance), and doing all this and remaining humble, happy and well adjusted. I don’t believe I am that spectacular. We all have our issues and no one said life would be easy. I feel the same as everyone else. I don’t see myself as any different than anyone else. I have a physical disability which I cannot hide; others have issues they maybe able to hide, but they are real whether they be psychological, emotional or spiritual. Most of us are dealing with some issue or other. We are all humans just trying to make our way through life the best way we know how.

It’s nothing new, life. Life is what it is. I struggle sometimes, but there have been great times too. Life is what it is. We can only prod along the best way we can. See, there is nothing special or extraordinary about life. We all have one and we all are just figuring things out as we go along.
—Robert Confiant 19 January 2019

What have I been up to?

What have I been up to? “Really I haven’t been up to much,” I am afraid to say. Until this week, I was off work and I did nothing but watched too much YouTube. Normally I would feel guilty for this; however, it was much needed down time as work had been very busy and we were doubly short handed with one position being vacant and another person being away on vacation.

Awake and writing

It’s a new year and a new start. I need to grasp this chance while I can. We are still extremely busy at work, so until we catch up, I find myself not wanting to do much when I get home.

In the next few weeks, I hope to get back into writing more seriously than I have been. Some of the stuff I will publish here while other stuff I will try to get published. I am planning to retire in three years come April and I hope to make writing a new career sort of speak.

That’s it for me now. I hope you all have a blessed and good year. If you’re struggling currently, there is no shame in asking for help even if it is only to vent to a sympathetic ear.

Lots of love.
—Robert Confiant 9 January 2019